teaching us the code that makes you crack / let me shoot your picture and i'll tape it to your back
“But it now appears that billions of Argentine ants around the world all actually belong to one single global mega-colony.”
— BBC - Earth News - Ant mega-colony takes over world
“Beckham thought it was a put-on. “Is this guy taking the piss?” he asked. But the waiter was serious. When the Galaxy’s Portuguese defender Abel Xavier couldn’t produce an I.D., his wineglass disappeared too. “What is this?” the 34-year-old Xavier thundered. “I have a kid who can drink.” The other players laughed hysterically, partly because the waiter hadn’t recognized the world’s most famous athlete and partly because Beckham and Xavier were so used to being mobbed in Europe that they didn’t bother carrying identification. Welcome to soccer in the U.S., guys.”
— An excerpt from Grant Wahl’s book, The Beckham Experiment - The Bonus - SI.com
“LaBoeuf projects a pathetic, wall-eyed dorkhood, when he’s not babbling like a tumor removed from Woody Allen’s prostate that somehow achieved sentience”
— io9 - Michael Bay Finally Made An Art Movie - Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
US vs. Spain: Instant Classic (via rocket4221)
“Then they crash,” she added. “We see crop circles in the poppy industry from wallabies that are high.”
— BBC NEWS | Asia-Pacific | ‘Stoned wallabies make crop circles’
What is this, ice? (via ericwareheim)
“Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you’ve got about a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.”
— 15 Things Kurt Vonnegut Said Better Than Anyone Else Ever Has Or Will
Arlington: The Rap (via GoRemy)
Leroy Smith’s Get Your Basketball On Infomercial (via GetYourBasketballOn)
“The White House is actively supporting a new bill jointly sponsored by Sens. Lindsey Graham and Joe Lieberman — called The Detainee Photographic Records Protection Act of 2009 — that literally has no purpose other than to allow the government to suppress any “photograph taken between September 11, 2001 and January 22, 2009 relating to the treatment of individuals engaged, captured, or detained after September 11, 2001, by the Armed Forces of the United States in operations outside of the United States.”
— Obama’s support for the new Graham-Lieberman secrecy law - Glenn Greenwald - Salon.com
Breakfast Taco Fail
Breakfast Taco Fail

“These are people I should be beating up, not bankrolling,” Trimble said. “Now this place is turning into a total hipster nightmare.”
— Bar Owner Cannot Fucking Believe He Actually Sponsored An Adult Kickball Team | The Onion - America’s Finest News Source
Police Slog Through 40,000 Insipid Party Pics To Find Cause Of Dorm Fire | The Onion - America's Finest News Source